A Complicated Consolation
by th3ladyb
Summary: Have you ever made a decision that you didn't fully think through? A decision that not only impacted you, but the people most important to you? Have you ever made a decision that seemed great at the time, but that broke all the rules and put you in a tight spot the morning after? Harry Kim has just made such a decision.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own the characters. Just playing with them.**

Harry Kim was in big trouble… huge trouble… the most trouble.

In fact, he was having a hard time recalling a more terrible predicament. He'd fought the Borg, been attacked by species 8472, nearly had his life sucked out of him by a bunch of very attractive alien women he thought were family…

And nothing of any of those experiences prepared him for how incredibly screwed he felt in this moment.

He'd actually woken up quite comfortably. It was normally pretty chilly in his quarters, and rather than expend the ship's power making it toasty, he normally wore full pajamas to bed. After seven years, he was most surprised by just how comfortable he was when he woke up without a shirt.

He wasn't cold at all. He actually felt warmer than he normally did. He shifted drowsily, and the delicate hand fell from his chest.

He froze. Suddenly the entire night's events flooded back to him, and he stifled a groan.

He shifted ever so slightly, moving out of range of the hand… the Captain's hand.

_Oh my God._

* * *

He didn't make a habit of visiting the Captain's quarters. That honor, he felt, was reserved for a select few. He'd never felt the desire to infringe on those boundaries.

Last night he and the Captain had shared a bridge shift, and he could honestly say that he'd never seen her so distraught on the bridge before. What was even more distressing was that there didn't seem to be an apparent reason for her distress. Her future self had come through time to take them home. Harry couldn't think of a time when things had looked so hopeful. If Admiral Janeway couldn't get the home, no one could.

Yet the Captain spent her entire shift looking like she was about to cry. Harry kept trying to think of something funny to say, to try and cheer her up, but every time he opened his mouth he'd see her face again and wimp out. He was genuinely worried that a wrong move really would make her burst into tears on the bridge.

An hour before their shift ended, the Captain stood up suddenly and headed for the turbolift.

"You have the bridge Mr. Kim," she said sharply, and she practically fled the bridge.

Harry stood helpless on the bridge for an hour, trying to figure out what could possibly upset the Captain so much that she would leave a duty shift early on the eve of their homecoming.

In his quarters after his shift, he tossed and turned fitfully, wondering if the Captain was getting any sleep.

He finally gave up trying to sleep, and sat up in bed.

Maybe it was actually meeting her future self that had the Captain so upset.

Harry could relate.

While he hadn't actually met his future self, getting that message was one of the most uncomfortable experiences he'd ever had. He hadn't cried, but he'd certainly been in a funk for a few days. He had a hard time paying attention, and when he was paying attention he was second guessing every decision he made.

He could only imagine how much worse that would be if he'd actually met his future self, and had to spend days in his company.

"Computer, is Captain Janeway in her quarters?"

"Affirmative."

"Is anyone with her?"

"Negative."

Harry pushed back the bed coverings and only just remembered to get back into uniform before he headed for the Captain's quarters at a brisk walk. He only hoped that she wouldn't think he was out of line for asking if she wanted to talk.

For a minute or so, after he pushed the door chime, there was no answer. He looked around nervously, feeling like he might as well be walking to the brig just for being there.

He was just about to abandon the endeavor completely when the door slid open, and the Captain appeared, in her nightdress, her face swollen and blotchy with tears. A flood of emotions crossed her face. First she seemed upset that he wasn't someone else, then she looked relieved, then resigned.

"Oh Harry," she said softly. "Come on in." She turned around without waiting for him to say anything and walked back into her quarters. Tentatively, Harry followed, walking far enough in for the doors to close, and then stopping.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Captain," he said quickly. "It's just that you didn't seem yourself on the bridge, and when you left earlier I was worried. I know I shouldn't be here, but I know you'd be angrier if I said something to the Doc so I thought maybe it had something to do with meeting the Admiral so then I…"

"Harry," she cut him off.

"Yes Captain?"

"You're babbling."

"Yes Ma'am." Harry swallowed and stopped talking.

The Captain seemed to be trying very hard to compose herself, despite the fact that Harry had plainly seen her in distress on entry.

"Why don't you have a seat Mr. Kim," the Captain said. Then she stood and walked toward her replicator. "Can I get you anything?"

"Um… no," he said hastily, wondering how much more awkward this situation could become.

"A bottle of champagne and two glasses please," she said to the replicator, apparently not having heard him. She looked at him over her shoulder. "Chakotay insists that if I'm polite to the replicator I'll get better results," she said primly.

"I've… I've never heard that before," he said, not sure if she really wanted a response or not.

"Apparently it's true," she said, shrugging. The champagne and glasses had appeared. She whisked them off the pad and brought them to her dining table, uncorking the champagne. "Which is good, because I feel like celebrating."

"Celebrating Captain?" Not that there wasn't plenty to celebrate, but Harry was a little confused. The Captain's words said one thing, but her… everything else said otherwise.

"Yes Harry," she began. "There are so many things that can happen on this ship that don't happen on other ships because they can't. Take Tom and B'Elanna for example, their relationship probably never would have gotten off the ground if we were back in the Alpha quadrant, and now they're about to have a baby! I think that I should be celebrating every new relationship I find out about among the crew from here on out." She handed him his glass.

As he watched her down her champagne, and get back up to refill her glass, he suddenly realized what must have set her off.

She must have just found out today that Chakotay was seeing Seven of Nine.

Which meant that Tom was right; had been right all this time. The Captain and her first officer were in love with each other.

Harry could have easily believed that Chakotay had been harboring feelings for the Captain before he started seeing Seven. The man wore his heart on his sleeve, even when he was attempting to be stoic. He was so utterly devoted and loyal to the Captain that Harry cou ldn't blame Tom for suspecting that there was more to it.

But the Captain? Before this very moment, Harry would never have guessed the depth of her feeling for her first officer, and he didn't think anyone else could have either.

Suddenly Harry felt like crying. It was incredibly unfair. Here the Captain was, just days before the whole ship would make it back home, and she'd just found out today that she'd lost, what must have been, one of the biggest things she'd hoped would be part of homecoming.

He watched her shakily put her glass down and walk over to the viewport. He could tell she was crying again, by the way her shoulders shook just a little.

Overcome, he followed her steps and wrapped his arms around her. He'd never seen his Captain in so much pain and he couldn't stand it.

They'd all dealt with heartbreak. Nearly all the loved ones had moved on by the time Voyager had made contact with the Alpha quadrant again, even Libby.

_But to see it happen right in front of you_. Suddenly Harry wasn't just heartbroken for the Captain, he was angry for her as well. How dare Chakotay do this to her! Harry liked Seven just fine, but she was NOT the Captain.

Harry slowly circled the Captain, and gently took her face in his hands.

"Captain," he said, trying to find the words to tell her how important and special she was to everyone. "There is no replacement for you. There is no substitute for you. You are one of the most amazing women I've ever met in my entire life. If he's decided that he doesn't love you, I'm sorry. But I don't think you know how many of us really do love you."

She reached up and covered one of his hands with hers, smiling faintly.

He was having such a hard time meeting her eyes, and was struggling with how much he wanted to take her pain away and how intimidated he still was by her presence.

Maybe that combination of feelings was why the kiss felt like such a rush.

He couldn't recall now exactly how it happened. He was pretty sure it was him, but it was really hard to say. All he knew was that he was kissing her, and she was letting him, and then kissing him back and then that was even more of a rush.

* * *

And now he was awake, in her bed, having spent most of the dark hours of the morning loving his Captain thoroughly.

She slept incredibly peacefully, and that made everything so much harder.

He didn't feel like he'd been thinking properly the night before, and he couldn't imagine what she would think when she woke up. So should he stay and risk the most awkward morning after of both of their lives, or should he sneak out of the Captain's quarters.

If he stayed he could be sure that she wouldn't feel like he'd somehow rejected her, or like he was hugely regretful of what had happened, but he also risked being a reminder of her own regret, which he was positive she would feel. He really did love her, even if it was the kind of love that didn't usually result in awkward morning afters.

After a few minutes more of lying stiff and terrified, he finally decided on the latter and slid as quietly as he could out of bed. He was normally pretty adept at putting on his uniform in record time, but he'd never had to be careful about making noise before. It felt like it took an eternity just to get dressed.

He was just about to leave, when he decided that he couldn't bear the thought of her feeling rejected in any way by him sneaking out, especially after her state last night. He left her a quick note, that he hoped wouldn't come off as awkwardly as he felt.

And then stopped.

Should he even attempt a site-to-site transport, or should he just fire out of the Captain's quarters and hope nobody saw him.

An unauthorized site-to-site transport would immediately show up on the bridge. He didn't think he could handle the inevitable interrogation by Tuvok later.

Nope. Straight out the front door was the only way to go. He took a deep breath, and walked straight for the corridor.

His head was down, which is probably why he didn't see that he was going to walk right into the admiral just feet from the door. He looked up at her surprised face, thinking fast to see if he could come up with a reason to be right outside, and then he heard the doors close shut behind him.

His felt his face get hot all the way to his ears.

"I'm so sorry Admiral, excuse me," he said quickly and hurried as quickly as he could without running in the other direction.


	2. Chapter 2

Admiral Janeway was more than a little puzzled by Harry Kim's abrupt departure and apparent embarrassment. What on earth had he done that warranted a dressing down in the Captain's quarters?

She didn't bother to chime, and her puzzlement was abruptly replaced by something akin to horror when she walked into her old quarters and saw that her younger self was just waking up in a bed that had clearly been slept in by two.

"You didn't," she whispered.

"So something I've done surprises you," Kathryn said sardonically. "That's refreshing."

"What could have possibly possessed you," the Admiral voice grew shrill. "You're like a mother to that boy!"

"Clearly not," Kathryn sat up, wrapping the sheets around her despite how silly it felt to bother with that in front of herself.

"You mean he initiated…" the Admiral was too uncomfortable to finish the thought.

"Yes, as a matter of fact he did. So you can stop looking at me like I'm some sort of pedophile."

"How can you be so cavalier about all this?" the Admiral looked at herself the way her mother would have.

"Because it felt good," said Kathryn angrily. "I was feeling awful, and it felt good. Of course it was a poor decision. Of course it may very well have consequences, but there isn't much I can do about that now."

"What are you going to tell Chakotay?" asked the Admiral.

"Not a damned thing," said Kathryn. "You know as well as I do that he and I don't tell each other everything anymore. This is none of his business."

"So he is what this is about?" The Admiral's gaze was piercing.

Kathryn didn't answer her.

"What were you thinking?" the Admiral asked again, almost bemused at this point.

"Clearly I wasn't," Kathryn snapped.

"Even in the moment you have to appreciate how ridiculous this seems from my point of view," the Admiral stood up and began to pace. "You deliberately ignore your very real feelings for the sake of protocol, even though you know that the object of your affection is the most likely person of the entire crew who could handle both relationships, and just before it won't matter anymore, you throw protocol out the window for a relationship with the person on your crew who might be one of the least likely to be able to deal with it."

"It's not a relationship," Kathryn said sharply. "It was one night. It will not happen again."

"Good," said the Admiral. "You wouldn't believe the sentiment that you deserve better, but you know for a fact that he does."

"Yes," Kathryn said sadly. "Yes he does."

"He left you a note," the Admiral said, picking up the pad on the dining table.

"Oh," Kathryn put her face in her hands. "Of course he did."

"Captain," the Admiral began, raising her eyebrows at the formality. "I knew you would probably regret what happened last night, and I didn't want you to have to deal with that with me still here. I hope you aren't offended by me sneaking out. You were really wonderful. I just wanted you to know that before you ask me to try and pretend that nothing happened, which I will already do unless you tell me otherwise. I meant what I said last night, even if I expressed it atypically. I could get more specific about why I thought you were wonderful, but I'll spare you my version of the recap in favor of being able to keep my face the right color when I see you on the bridge today. Thank you again, and I hope you feel… better."

Kathryn laughed.

"I wonder how long it took him to write that," said the Admiral. She got ready to erase the message.

"No!" said Kathryn suddenly.

"Really?" her older self looked exasperated.

"Yes, really." Kathryn snatched the pad away. "I'm still feeling pretty terrible. Everything sentimental I have on this ship reminds me of Chakotay. I'm keeping this, until we're home."

"Well don't carry it around with you," said the Admiral.

Kathryn looked at her with a degree of her own exasperation.

"I'm younger than you," she said, "not prepubescent."

* * *

Chakotay couldn't explain it, but something felt off in the morning briefing. He spent a good five minutes during Seven's astrometrics report trying to figure out exactly what it was.

B'Elanna looked miserable and Tom looked cheery but exhausted, so nothing new there.

Seven was predictably stoic and thorough.

It was the Captain. She was happy. Well, happier than he'd seen her in days. It wasn't terribly obvious, but her face seemed less tense. She had the ghost of a smile about her.

Chakotay smiled a little himself. Maybe she was really starting to get hopeful about their journey home again.

No, that wasn't all. There was something else…

It was Harry.

Harry looked, not miserable exactly, but definitely like he'd like to crawl under the table. He slouched a little bit in his chair, and was staring determinedly at the table. He'd perk up when addressed by B'Elanna or Tom, but each time it was short-lived.

He relaxed again when the Captain started talking.

"We're not going to attempt this unless everyone in this room agrees," she said. "No one will think less of you if you don't."

"Captain," Harry said.

"Go ahead, Harry," Kathryn smiled fondly.

"I think it's safe to say that no one on this crew has been more obsessed with getting home than I have," he paused. "But when I think about everything we've been through together, maybe it's not the destination that matters. Maybe it's the journey. If that journey takes a little longer so we can do something we all believe in, I can't think of anyplace I'd rather be or any people I'd rather be with."

"To the journey," Tom said.

"Here, here!" Chakotay chimed in, and then he saw it.

The moment Harry heard his voice he seemed to shrink again, like he wished that he hadn't said anything at all.

Chakotay looked at him, puzzled, but Harry would not meet his gaze.

* * *

Things felt even stranger later, when he walked in on the Admiral and the Captain having a cup of coffee together. The Admiral looked almost alarmed at his entrance and excused herself rather quickly, giving him a long look before she left the room.

"Chakotay!" Kathryn said cheerfully… too cheerfully. "What can I do for you?"

"I was actually just wondering if you'd noticed something odd with Harry Kim today," he said.

"Odd?" her eyes were wide, but something about her manner was making him extremely uncomfortable.

"Just a feeling," he said. "He seemed sort of subdued during the briefing."

"Well if you'd like me to talk to him," she began.

"Actually," he interrupted her, "I was going to talk to him." He decided not to mention that he felt that he might be the cause of Harry's discomfort. He didn't want to sound paranoid.

"It might be better for me to do it," Kathryn said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I think he's less intimidated by me than by you."

"Less intimidated by you?" Chakotay was a little incredulous.

"It's a Starfleet thing," she shuffled her feet.

"A what?" Chakotay was stunned. Here she was, the woman who had constantly been on him about 'one crew, one fight' telling him that she would handle an issue because it was a Starfleet thing?

"Well, you know," she said. "When B'Elanna has a problem, she'd go to you before me and vice versa."

"We're friends," he said, still shocked at this sudden manifestation of an attitude.

"But you're also Maquis," she said.

Smug. That's what it was. Kathryn was acting incredibly smug about… something.

"I suppose," he said.

"Then it's settled," she said. "The minute we're finished with this mission, I'll talk to Harry Kim about what's bothering him, if something is bothering him at all."

She handed him her coffee, and left the room and him. He got over his shock after a minute, and was left feeling annoyed. Damned annoyed.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry felt awful after the briefing. He might as well have jumped up on the table and danced in front of Chakotay with a giant sign on his chest that said "I slept with the Captain before you did, and it was great." He couldn't handle this on his own.

He stopped in front of Tom and B'Elanna's quarters, out of breath. He almost forgot there was a chime and started banging on the door.

"Harry," said Tom, welcoming him inside. "Woah."

"Hi Tom," said Harry, sitting heavily on the sofa.

"Everything okay?" Tom figured it was a rhetorical question, given that Harry was sitting on his couch with his head in his hands, but he asked anyway.

"Is B'Elanna here?" he looked around suddenly, nervous.

"No, she's in sickbay yelling at the Doc about our latest false alarm," Tom put his hands on his hips. "Why?"

"She can't know what I'm about to tell you," Harry pleaded.

Tom looked taken aback for a second.

"I think this is the first time you've ever asked me to keep something from my wife," he said.

"You know I wouldn't ask if there weren't a good reason," said Harry.

"Okay," said Tom. "Well what is it?"

"First promise you won't tell B'Elanna," Harry fidgeted in his seat.

"Alright Harry, geez," said Tom. "I won't tell B'Elanna." He sat down next to him on the sofa.

"So you were right," Harry rushed through, "You were right about the Captain and Chakotay having feelings for each other."

"What do you mean, 'I was right'" said Tom. "Chakotay's with Seven."

"I know that," said Harry. "I also know that the Captain isn't happy about it, and just found out yesterday."

"Well, wait a minute," said Tom. "She seemed fine today at the briefing. She wasn't even somber."

"I know," said Harry. "What I have to tell you, is that she was so upset about the thing with Chakotay and Seven that she decided to 'be with,'" Harry struggled with the vernacular, "someone else."

"What?!" Tom stood up. "This is crazy! Who told you that? How do you know any of this?"

"I know, Tom," Harry said. "I know it sounds crazy, but it's true."

"Alright," said Tom. "If it's true, who was it?"

"Who was what?"

"The guy she slept with!" Tom was almost shouting now.

Harry swallowed.

"Harry," said Tom. "You know, at least you look like you know. You cannot come tell me something this juicy and then hide the ball on something this big. You cannot do that to me."

"It was me Tom!" Harry put his head in his hands again. "It was me!"

Tom froze, stunned.

Then he started laughing.

"Funny Harry," he said. "You almost had me."

"Paris to Torres," Tom hit his combadge as Harry looked on in horror. "You'll never guess what…"

Harry snatched his combadge and smashed it under foot.

Tom gaped at him.

"Please Tom," said Harry. "You can't tell her. I just have this horrible feeling that if Chakotay finds out about this he's going to Maquis his way into my quarters and kill me in my sleep."

"You're not kidding," said Tom quietly.

"No, I'm not," said Harry.

"Oh my God," said Tom. "You… you…. What was it like!"

"What?"

"Sorry," Tom backpedalled. "Not a fair question right now. Forget I asked."

Harry shook his head, and leaned back on the couch. Things were still crazy, but telling Tom had been like sharing the weight a little.

"Oh my God," said Tom again. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know Tom," Harry said. "That's why I'm telling you. I can't even look at Chakotay right now."

"Are you going to do it again?"

"No!" said Harry. "Are you kidding? I feel like one of those hen-stealing foxes that Libby's grandfather was always talking about on his farm in Idaho. If I even think about sleeping with the Captain again Chakotay's going to take me out back and he's going to shoot me."

"Do you want to?"

"Tom," Harry glared at him.

"You're right," Tom backpedaled again. "Also not a fair question."

Tom sat back down and sighed.

"Well look on the bright side Harry," he said after a moment. "I can never again tease you about being attracted to unattainable women, because you have successfully bedded our commanding officer."

He slapped Harry's knee.

Harry put his head in his hands again, and groaned.

Chakotay had actually forgotten all about Harry when the Captain and Admiral's plans for the Borg were set in motion. His relief, when the departments all reported in with no casualties, was palpable. Whatever annoyance he felt with his Captain was lost in the collective enthusiasm they all felt on their way back to earth.

He was still on cloud nine with everyone else just a few hours from earth, walking down the corridor whistling on his way to the Captain's quarters. He wanted to make sure she got Dante's Inferno back before they left the ship. Trebus was a long way from earth, and he wanted to make sure it wasn't a detail that was lost for months to come, especially when it was so important to her.

She wasn't in her quarters when he arrived, so he decided to just leave it on her dining table.

That's when he saw Harry's note.

He didn't intend to snoop, but it was unusual for the table to just have one pad on it. Usually the table was either completely empty or had a pad mountain on it.

He actually had to read it twice.

It wasn't signed, so he had no idea who had written it.

But its contents? He could feel the rage building.

She denied him for seven years; let him believe that they'd be together if it weren't for Mark, and then protocol, and then the good of the ship.

And now this?

Finding out who it had been would be a small matter.

"Computer," he began. "Who has been in Captain Janeway's quarters in the last 24 hours?"

"Kathryn Janeway," came the uninformative reply.

He sighed.

"What about the last 36 hours," he said.

"Kathryn Janeway."

Chakotay sighed, staring at the pad.

"The last 48 hours?"

"Kathryn Janeway. Harry Kim."

Harry Kim? Suddenly Harry's odd behavior in the briefing room that morning rushed back to him. Chakotay's blood was boiling.

It might not have been betrayal, but it felt a hell of a lot like it.

Tom longed to be able to sound red alert when he saw Chakotay storm into the mess hall.

"Paris," said Chakotay. He was unusually formal, and, it appeared, unusually pissed. "Have you seen Ensign Kim?"

"Nope," said Tom. "You look like you need to sit down Commander."

To Tom's dismay, he did, suddenly zeroing in on Tom.

"You know about this, don't you," he hissed.

"Know about what Sir?" Tom feigned ignorance.

"Don't give me that," said Chakotay. "You're his best friend. If he was going to tell anybody, it would be you."

"Sir I really have no idea what you're talking about," said Tom.

Chakotay pushed up from his chair, frustrated and angry.

"Sir," Tom said. Chakotay turned back to him. "If I may say so, green isn't your best color."

Chakotay looked embarrassed for a moment, and then left the mess hall without responding.

"Chakotay!"

He turned around, and saw Seven approaching him.

"Seven," he walked toward her. "Have you seen Ensign Kim?"

"No," she said. "But I need to talk to you."

"About what?" he asked.

"My grandmother has expressed the desire for me to cohabitate with her when we reach Earth," she said.

"Okay." He stopped fidgeting, wondering where this was going.

"I know that you planned to go to Trebus, and so I've decided that at this time we should suspend our relationship."

"What?" This day just kept getting better.

Seven paused, looking resigned.

"I don't believe I'm ready to attempt a long-distance relationship," she said. She seemed new to the term, probably the result of more research.

"So that's it then?"

"I have injured you," she said. "I'm sorry."

"No," he said. "It's okay. I just wasn't expecting it."

"If you would like to discuss it further," she began.

"No," he said, cutting her off. "I understand. You're probably right."

They stood silent for a moment.

"Enjoy Earth, Seven."

Chakotay turned around again, his mood soured further.

Chakotay finally found Harry in engineering, helping Vorik prepare reports for Starfleet regarding the changes they'd made to the engines.

"Ensign Kim," said Chakotay.

Harry froze.

"We need to talk."


	4. Chapter 4

Harry was terrified.

"We need to talk," was all the Commander said.

Harry nodded dutifully, excused himself to Vorik and started following the Commander. At first he thought Chakotay might just pick an unoccupied corner of engineering, but as they walked out into the corridor and kept walking, Harry knew he wasn't going to get that lucky.

All of a sudden Chakotay stopped in the middle of the corridor, as if he too was wondering what the least inappropriate place to have the impending conversation would be.

Harry was frozen like a rabbit, afraid the Commander might look at him if he breathed too loudly.

Without saying anything, the Commander continued walking again. When they entered the turbolift, Harry thought his heart might explode.

"Deck six," said Chakotay. For about two minutes, Harry didn't breathe.

When the doors finally opened, he almost audibly sighed. Then he realized where they were going.

It all felt surreal. Harry hadn't ever been to the Commander's quarters.

_You hadn't been to the Captain's quarters either before a few days ago._

Harry flushed.

Chakotay stopped, as Harry looked on in horror, at his quarters and gestured for Harry to enter ahead of him.

_He wouldn't really kill me would he? He couldn't kill me in his quarters and make it look like an accident._

"Ensign Kim," Chakotay lifted a pad to eye level. Harry straightened to attention out of habit. "It's come to my attention that now that we're nearly back to Earth, you might be ready to face the music for some of your conduct as of late."

Harry was confused. Where was he going with this?

"Starfleet Uniform Code Article 134, Mr. Kim," Chakotay began, thumbing down the pad. "Indecent acts with another that are to the prejudice of good order and discipline, or are of a nature that brings discredit to Starfleet."

"What?" Harry gaped. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this.

"Or fraternization," said Chakotay, "which is actually covered in the same article: an inappropriate relationship that compromises the chain of command. You could be facing dismissal and up to five years of confinement."

Harry paled. Was he serious?

"How do you think it's going to look at your court martial when they ask other members of this crew how partial the Captain is to you, and they tell the JAG that you've always been her favorite?"

Harry flushed again, but this time it was in anger.

"You are out of line Commander," he found himself saying, maybe shouting, he wasn't sure.

"What?" Chakotay stopped, narrowing his eyes at Harry. He'd been growing more and more satisfied as he threatened Harry, and he wasn't expecting to be interrupted.

"I said," Harry steeled himself. "You're out of line."

Harry took a step toward him, feeling overcoming good sense. That seemed to be happening to him a lot lately.

"I would never do anything to try and gain favoritism from the Captain," said Harry. "And even if I did, she would never put me ahead of any other member of the crew, and you know it!"

"Then what is this," Chakotay hissed, shoving Harry's note back in his face.

Harry looked at it, flushed again, and then set it down.

"Frankly Sir," Harry swallowed. "It's none of your business."

"Ensign," Chakotay was nearly bellowing now. "I am charged with maintaining the good order and discipline of this crew, and…"

"Oh please," said Harry, cutting him off. "You've been rearranging the duty shifts that you're supposed to handle impartially so you can spend more of your off-time with your new girlfriend, and the ONLY person who hasn't noticed is the only person who would care."

"That's enough!" Chakotay said. Harry didn't think it was possible for Chakotay's glare to become more hateful, but there it was.

"No," said Harry. "It's not enough. Don't pretend like you don't know me Sir. I've served with you for seven years. I've looked up to you for seven years."

Chakotay looked away. For the first time in three days it was he who was having trouble looking at Harry instead of the other way around.

"In all that time," said Harry. "I never thought I would see you threaten to compromise someone else's career because you were jealous."

In retrospect, Harry should have known that he shouldn't have made a comment like that to any man without fully expecting a punch to the face.

Still, it came as a shock when Chakotay's fist connected with the side of his head and sent him flying backward and down to the deck.

Harry was stunned still when his body made impact with the ground, and after a moment he tried to lift his head to look at Chakotay and groaned in pain.

His vision was blurred, but he could see the Commander clearly with at least one eye. Chakotay was looking, horrified, at his still-clenched fist.

"Harry," Chakotay whispered, all anger had evaporated. He turned pale.

Harry wasn't sure what would happen next, but was immensely relieved when Chakotay rushed to his side, and lifted him up off the deck.

"Let's get you to sick bay," said Chakotay.

* * *

While out of immediate danger, Harry still felt incredibly uncomfortable during the walk to sickbay, and not just because the side of his head was probably swelling like a pumpkin.

His inadvertent provocation, and the subsequent punch to the face, seemed to open a floodgate. Chakotay was beside himself with apologies on the way to sick bay.

"I can't believe I let myself get like that Harry," he said in desperation. "It was so wrong… the things I said to you…"

Harry wanted to tell him it was okay, but he ended up just groaning instead. His head _hurt_.

"You know I didn't mean it, right?" Harry had never seen Chakotay so near hysterics. "That I would never take advantage of your personal life like that."

Harry was actually embarrassed for Chakotay, and extremely uncomfortable with the level of regret his first officer was expressing.

He was visibly relieved when they reached sickbay, both because of the growing pain in his head and face and because he hoped it would herald the end of the first officer's over-the-top regret.

"Mr. Kim," the Doctor intercepted them on their way to the first bio-bed. "Commander."

The Doc helped Chakotay get Harry situated, and then snatched a medical tricorder.

"What happened?" the Doctor asked. He was calm at first, but looked perplexed at the readings on the tricorder.

Chakotay froze. Harry could see the panic on his face.

"I fell," said Harry.

"You fell?" the Doctor repeated, openly suspicious.

"Yeah," said Harry.

_When you lie, lie as close to the truth as you can._

"Chakotay asked for my help with moving some furniture in his quarters," said Harry as smoothly as he could. His mind worked furiously as he tried to remember any other useful tidbits from his Academy course on diplomacy and tactics.

"You asked Ensign Kim?" the Doctor eyed Chakotay with apprehension.

"No one else was available," said Chakotay. He was still pale, and unusually nervous.

"I see," said the Doctor. "Well I suppose we're all in a bit of a hurry to get our affairs in order before we reach Earth."

Harry leaned his head back with relief, and then immediately regretted moving at all.

"You have a concussion Mr. Kim," said the Doc. "So whatever you hit, you hit it pretty hard."

Chakotay winced.

Harry panicked as he saw the Doc walk back to his office to retrieve something.

"Harry," Chakotay began.

"It's okay Sir," said Harry. "Really."

Chakotay still looked thick with guilt.

"I don't know if you remember Sir," said Harry, "but there have been a few times that I've acted… different because of my feelings for someone. I think everyone has."

Chakotay smiled a little, but his lips were thin with tension.

"Thank you Harry," said Chakotay. "I think it's safe to say that I owe you one."

"Or five!" Harry called as the Commander left sickbay.

He sighed.

"One for each knuckle," he said quietly to himself, before attempting to gently rest his head on the bed beneath him.

* * *

The Captain was a little ashamed of herself for feeling so happy about what had happened with Harry. She wasn't necessarily happy about the incident itself, but she couldn't squash the overwhelming feeling of satisfaction she felt, knowing that Chakotay wasn't the only one who could draw the attention of a younger partner.

_Still got it._

She'd been thinking that all day long.

She really shouldn't have been. She hadn't even talked to Harry about it at all, not that he indicated that he wanted or needed to.

The Captain couldn't help feeling, perhaps less miserable about it, than she should have been.

_Of course it was wrong. Of course it was a mistake._

But it had been good. Really good.

In fact thinking idly about how unexpectedly good such a bizarre experience had been was making her squirm with a strange mixture of pride and discomfort all day long.

"Captain," her combadge chirped.

"Yes Doctor?" she responded. "How can I help you."

"Could you put my channel on your monitor please?"

Kathryn walked back behind her desk and sat down, flicking the small screen on as she did so.

"What is it Doctor?" she fidgeted in her chair, trying to focus on the matter at hand and not the surreal events of the last 48 or so hours.

"Captain, I just treated Harry Kim for a concussion and superficial damage to the right side of his face," he said.

"What?" the Captain stood up straighter. So much for quelling her distractions. "What happened?"

"Well," the Doctor paused, "that's actually why I'm talking to you now. I'm not really sure what happened."

"Is he conscious?"

"Yes," the Doctor said, "but I'm afraid I'm not convinced that he's being entirely truthful."

"What?" Kathryn was somewhat flabbergasted, not that this had been her first surprise regarding Harry Kim in the last few days.

"He says he fell," the Doctor said.

"He fell…" Kathryn repeated.

"That's what he says," the Doctor almost shrugged. "He and Commander Chakotay both said that he fell while helping the Commander move furniture in his quarters."

"He fell while moving furniture and ended up with a concussion?" Kathryn was trying to hide her growing anxiety for the Doctor's benefit.

"Captain," the Doctor looked deeply distressed all of a sudden. "I'm afraid that the medical evidence makes an altercation more likely."

"An altercation?"

"Yes, Captain," the Doctor said. "Likely between Ensign Kim and Commander Chakotay, given their collective effort to 'pull the wool over my eyes' as they say."

_This can't be happening._

"Thank you Doctor," she said, and shut off the terminal before he could say anything more.


	5. Chapter 5

**This is a short chapter. More is coming, I'm just building up to it.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. You guys rock!**

Chakotay was mortified by his behavior.

He'd literally, after going back to his quarters, taken a good long look in the mirror.

He looked awful.

He was sorely tempted to punch that too, but remembered how sick he felt seeing Harry on the floor like that and turned away.

What was he doing?

The door chime rang. Chakotay took a deep breath. As much as he wanted to pretend he wasn't there, he was the first officer and couldn't afford to be so childish.

Also, the internal sensors were probably functioning perfectly, blast them.

"Come," he said, trying to maintain the appearance of calm.

Seven walked through the door.

"Chakotay," Seven said primly. "I know you said that further discussion was unnecessary, but you seemed preoccupied when we last spoke, and I was concerned about your well-being."

Seven generally didn't sound like she was concerned about much of anything, much less his well-being, but that was just her way so he didn't doubt her sincerity.

He sighed, and sat heavily on an armchair.

"Is it because I've chosen to suspend our relationship?" she cocked her head to the side.

"No, Seven," Chakotay struggled to find the words. "Are you sure you want to deal with this right now? We should arrive in sector 001 in less than three hours."

"Chakotay," she said his name again, coming to kneel at his side. "While I may have chosen to end our romantic relationship, I still care about you and your emotional state."

Chakotay smiled. _What the hell…_

"Well, Seven," again he struggled to find appropriate words. "I may have just had a rather volatile disagreement with Harry Kim."

"Volatile?" Seven raised an eyebrow.

"I punched him," he said as calmly as he could, and then took a deep breath.

Seven might have been the only person on the ship who wouldn't look at all shocked by this information. Instead she gave him a piercing glance as she assessed this unusual bit of information.

"What was the disagreement regarding?"

"It's hard to explain," said Chakotay. "Can I trust that this conversation won't go anywhere outside this room?"

"You may consider it comparable to Doctor-Patient confidentiality," she said.

"Harry got involved with someone," Chakotay said. "I disapproved. Things got heated, and I said some pretty horrible things… and then I punched him."

Seven was quiet, and looked perplexed.

"It is highly uncharacteristic for either you or Ensign Kim to behave in such a base manner over a female," said Seven. Chakotay was both chagrined and relieved that she'd cut to the quick of the matter without any visible injury of her own.

"I'm sorry Seven," said Chakotay.

"Your remorse is unnecessary," said Seven. "I am still the one who chose to suspend our relationship, and I am pleased that decision will not injure you."

Chakotay smiled at her pragmatism. Seven sometimes had a way of being incredibly charming without meaning to.

"If I may ask," said Seven, "who did Ensign Kim get involved with that provoked such a visceral reaction from you."

"Well," Chakotay felt that on some level it would be wrong to share what he knew about what the Captain and Harry had done.

He remembered the smug look on Kathryn's face.

"The Captain," he said.

Now Seven did look surprised.

"I was not aware that Ensign Kim and Captain Janeway felt amorously toward each other," she said, looking almost disturbed.

"Surprised the hell out of me too Seven," said Chakotay. "Maybe Harry just hid it well."

"I have never known Mr. Kim to lie," said Seven.

Chakotay smirked, thinking about the bald-faced lie Harry had just told the Doctor in sickbay.

"Your reaction, however," said Seven, "is more plausible."

Chakotay looked up at her.

"While you both carefully veil the appearance of courtship as professional courtesy, your blood pressure and neurotransmitter readings frequently change in the Captain's presence," she said.

"If you knew that, why did you want a romantic relationship with me?" Chakotay asked.

"You and the Captain both seemed determined not to consummate your attraction," said Seven. "Based on my knowledge of human relationships, seven years of the same behavior suggested that an appropriate time had elapsed to determine that you were 'fair game.'"

Seven stood up in front of him.

"I apologize for my error," she said.

"Not at all Seven," he said. "I'm really very flattered that you went through so much consideration."

"We digress," said Seven. "How will you resolve your disagreement with Ensign Kim?"

"Actually I think Harry and I are okay," said Chakotay.

"Then what is causing you distress," said Seven, raising her eyebrow again.

"I'm not sure," said Chakotay. "I suppose I'd like to talk to Kathryn about this but feel that even bringing it up would be out of line. It would also mean explaining to her that I assaulted Harry Kim."

"Is that all?" Seven looked unconvinced.

"No," said Chakotay. Now he stood up, and walked over to the viewport.

"Perhaps the rest would only be adequately understood by the Captain," said Seven.

"Something like that," Chakotay fidgeted.

"Perhaps you should attempt to discuss your feelings now?" said Seven.

"I don't know if now is the best time," said Chakotay.

"Perhaps not," said Seven. "However, waiting would be… inefficient."

Seven shared a smile with him, and left.

Chakotay sighed. Face the music indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Alrighty. I think this is going to be the wrap-up. I entertained briefly the idea of an epilogue, but my husband thinks it might be too much. For some reason when I started this I thought it would end up having to be longer, but a lot of stories end up writing themselves.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

"Frankly I wish I'd had more time to think about this before talking to both of you," said Kathryn.

Chakotay and Harry were both standing in front of her in her ready room, Harry looking uncomfortable and thin-lipped, Chakotay looking abnormally subdued and conflicted.

"But we are two hours from Earth," her voice had an edge to it now, and Chakotay winced, though he resisted the urge to look at the floor and just stared resolutely at the bulkhead.

"You are the last two people I would ever have expected to brawl on my ship," she said the words with palpable distaste, "and I cannot believe that either of you thought that the wisest course of action would be to lie to the Doctor about it."

She wanted to say more. Her instinct was to say more. But this was a uniquely uncomfortable situation that she'd never encountered before. It was hard to come up with any other explanation for their conflict than her recent indiscretion, and that made any kind of disciplinary action… not even feasible, really.

"Mr. Kim," she said, not knowing how else to proceed. Harry somehow managed to stand even straighter. "You're dismissed."

Harry looked at Chakotay, worried, but Chakotay kept staring resolutely at that bulkhead. Harry gulped a little, he wasn't sure for whom, and left the room.

Kathryn sat down behind her desk and started proofing the reports for Starfleet command.

"Commander," she said after a moment, "in the future I would encourage you to find a better way to handle disagreements with the crew. That will be all."

Chakotay didn't move.

"You're dismissed Commander," she said again.

"We should talk about this Captain," he replied, unwilling to leave.

"This isn't the time," she said.

"You said it yourself," he said, relaxing his posture and folding his hands behind his back. "We arrive at Earth in less than two hours."

"Fine," she shut off the terminal and leaned back in her chair, fixing him with her glare. "Let's talk."

Chakotay sat down in front of her, his face softening.

"What happened?" he asked.

There was no point in pretending that she didn't know what he meant.

"The Admiral," she began, "told me some things about the future destinies of my crewmembers. Some of them were harder on me than others."

"Like finding out that Seven and I were seeing each other?" he asked point blank, not wanting to dance around the issue any longer.

"Yes," she said. She couldn't look him in the eye. "Things like that."

"Then what happened?" he was pushing as gently as he could. Kathryn found it infuriating.

"Unfortunately Harry noticed that I was distressed during my bridge shift that night, and came to my quarters later to see if I wanted to talk about it," she wasn't sure how much more she wanted to tell him.

"I see," he said.

"I assume you know what happened next," she said.

"The note he left you gave me something of an idea," he said.

Kathryn put her hand to her head and rubbed her temples. She felt a headache coming on.

"Did it occur to you," Chakotay went on, "that what happened might not have been the best way to deal with your distress?"

"You're right," said Kathryn, pinching the bridge of her nose, "next time I'll do it your way and go punch Seven in the face."

Chakotay bit his cheek to keep from laughing.

"We've been acting pretty ridiculously haven't we," he said.

"Perhaps we could plead temporary insanity as a result of our proximity to Earth," said Kathryn mirthlessly.

"You think that's all it is?" Chakotay asked, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from her.

Kathryn stood, and walked to the window.

"I can't think of any other explanation," she said.

"Seven has decided to suspend our romantic relationship," Chakotay shifted in his seat.

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said, not knowing what else to say.

"You still don't have another explanation for our poor behavior?" he asked.

"No I don't, quite frankly," Kathryn continued to face the stars.

"Well, why don't I give you one," he said, standing up and approaching her. "We've been lying to everyone, including ourselves about how we really feel about each other for years now."

Kathryn crossed her arms in front of her, but didn't deny it.

"When you thought I'd moved on, you were so upset that your judgement was impaired, and Harry Kim became a convenient way to escape the pain you were feeling," Chakotay was right behind her now.

Kathryn shuddered at his merciless evaluation of the situation.

"And then when I found out what had happened," Chakotay continued, trying to keep his countenance level, "I was so bitter and angry that you'd let someone else… touch you that way that I assaulted my friend and fellow officer."

Kathryn turned to him now, her eyes full of repressed emotion.

"Is that really how you see all of this?" she asked, like she was preparing herself for a fresh argument.

"I don't see any other explanation," he said, deliberately using her words. "You've known how I felt for over five years now, and I think it's pretty clear now that you've been comfortable using every excuse in the book to avoid acting on or even admitting how you feel about me."

"They weren't excuses Chakotay," she said sharply. "They were legitimate reasons."

"It doesn't really matter," said Chakotay, continuing to close the distance between them. "Thanks to Ensign Kim, you are out of them."

Kathryn panicked a little, feeling the bulkhead pressing against her back as she resisted the urge to scramble away from him like a frightened Vulcan Hearth-Shrew.

"Captain," Tuvok's voice chirped from her combadge. "We are now one hour away from Earth's orbit."

"Acknowledged," Kathryn choked out. The interruption didn't seem to have phased Chakotay, who almost seemed to grow taller and darker before her eyes.

"That doesn't give us much time does it," he whispered, and brought his lips down to meet hers.

This wasn't exactly how she'd pictured it, but Kathryn had to admit that there was something enticing about trying to stay as quiet as possible as her first officer and best friend had his way with her in her ready room.

They were less than an hour away from Earth, she still hadn't packed a damn thing and the necessary reports weren't finished because after seven years of acting like she herself was the single line of defense between a chaotic universe and the comfort of Starfleet protocol, she had apparently given up completely mere feet from the finish line to have a quickie on her desk.

* * *

When Voyager entered Earth's orbit, Harry was rocking back and forth on his feet with excitement. He'd almost completely forgotten how worried he was about the Captain and Commander until Tuvok alerted them to the ship's position.

The Captain walked briskly onto the bridge, a little flushed but without a hair out of place. She didn't look like she had murdered anyone, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

Chakotay, on the other hand, walked out of the room a little more slowly. He was smiling, and there was something in his walk… was that a swagger?

"Tom," said the Captain. "Request permission to dock."

"Yes Ma'am," said Tom happily.

The Captain smiled, and it seemed to Harry that she was back to normal. Then Harry saw the Commander brazenly grab her hand and run his thumb over her knuckles. She looked aghast for a moment, but didn't pull away. Instead she squeezed back, and smiled.

So not back to normal, Harry concluded. Better.


End file.
